Well, after the news hit me, I immediately jumped head first into this highly medical endeavor. I started with dialysis- three times a week, 3 1/2 hours at a time. I go every Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday- the fourth shift which is from 8pm-11:30pm. I figured this way, I could still make it to work, which I have done. The amount of doctor appointments I have is amazing though. Every time I go to have something checked in order for me to have a kidney/pancreas transplant, I find something else that is wrong- more surgery- oh get this taken out- more surgery- two more appointments It is making me crazy.
And what about my family? I"m so wrapped up in my own hell, I am not even helping my fourteen year old. And she really needs me now, but she doesn't want to let me know that- she thinks I have enough to think about! What kind of mother am I? I feel just awful. She is the sweetest child ever created, and she is worried about telling me she needs my help. That was a wake up call for me. I know I feel great now- hate doing all the appointments, but it is a must do in this situation; I just have to have time set aside to be with my child. And my husband of course, More later, Want to take a nap!
Monday, June 21, 2010
Friday, June 4, 2010
Entry 1
I found out about my kidney failure about 2 months ago. Even though I knew it was probably coming, and was one of my biggest fears, hearing the doctors say it is still shocking. I have been a diabetic since I was 14 months old- I am now 44, and have lived with my kidneys a good long time. About 15 years ago, a doctor told me that kidneys were starting to slow down, and gave me some medication to slow that process down. Well, after 15 years, they eventually stopped working. I was swollen for a few months, and didn't even realize how bad it was. I was tired.
All of the time. I felt like I could just sleep for days on end. And I did. I was depressed, and annoyed, and tired.
I am a ninth grade English teacher so my abilities at work were also straining on me. Papers to grade, assignments to create, and a newspaper to publish, I was overwhelmed. I also run a theater camp in Haddonfield, which in the winter runs every Saturday. and our summer camp is a five day- 6 week program, which is my financial stability in the summer. Needless to say, I am a very involved person, and take pride in what I do. My feelings of exhaustion were not helping me feel good about myself.
Then, late in March, I realized my blood was pounding in my ears. I could hear it. I (with encouragement from my good friend Gabrielle), had my blood pressure taken by the school nurse, and it was ridiculously high. I made an appt with my doctor, and had blood work done. And then I got the phone call. "Kim, you are in deep trouble. You are in kidney failure."
All of the time. I felt like I could just sleep for days on end. And I did. I was depressed, and annoyed, and tired.
I am a ninth grade English teacher so my abilities at work were also straining on me. Papers to grade, assignments to create, and a newspaper to publish, I was overwhelmed. I also run a theater camp in Haddonfield, which in the winter runs every Saturday. and our summer camp is a five day- 6 week program, which is my financial stability in the summer. Needless to say, I am a very involved person, and take pride in what I do. My feelings of exhaustion were not helping me feel good about myself.
Then, late in March, I realized my blood was pounding in my ears. I could hear it. I (with encouragement from my good friend Gabrielle), had my blood pressure taken by the school nurse, and it was ridiculously high. I made an appt with my doctor, and had blood work done. And then I got the phone call. "Kim, you are in deep trouble. You are in kidney failure."
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